super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
