YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Found the puke drawer
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
