the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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