I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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