I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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