she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
