this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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