In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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