I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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