if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
