a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
