So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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