3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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