Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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