Plan B is the new Plan A
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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