Who did Billy Mays play for?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
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