can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
