and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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