i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
