So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
