My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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