happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
