My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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