Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
