you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
