I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
