I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
