I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
