Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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