Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
