I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
