Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
