the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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