I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
