i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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