I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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