if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
