Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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