i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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