i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
