I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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