I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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