At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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