I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
