Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
