I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
