oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
