I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
