I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
