At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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