You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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