The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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