I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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