Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
third nipple confirmed
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
