Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
