hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
