The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
