Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
