Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
