My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
bring money and cleavage
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
