Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
